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Is 2009 a year for weddings? It seems like it is. Most of my “single” friends are planning their big day this year. Now I’m wondering, is it because my contemporaries are already running after time and that marriage is the next big step they are obliged to take? I can picture out the entire neighborhood chasing my friends one by one and upon reaching a corner they jump over the fence. Yes, marriage is like jumping over the fence. Because status quo could be boring and dead-end, we have to leap from single to nuptial state. And the mass hysteria is after me too. I’m turning 28 this April so social norms say I’m mature enough to get married.
I remember one sensible joke on thirty-something-single-woman: If a woman’s still in her twenties she would ask, “Who’s the man?” But when she reached 35 and still single, she should say, “Where’s the man?”
Some people say women’s biological clock won’t start ticking until they’re 35. By the time I reach that age, my feeling would be similar to Captain Hook’s fear of the ticking clock inside the crocodile’s belly. Just imagining Hook’s bulging eyes, sweaty right hand, cold feet, and paranoia bordering to insanity, made me understand the urgency to run after the first man who would cross my path at age 35! Otherwise, the ticking clock would explode and I would have one hundred years of solitude.
If I would really consider that maxim as a philosophical truth, it would mean I still have 6 more years (before my uterus becomes rigid) to spend and enjoy my life being single. It would also mean that after 6 years, my chances of finding a suitable partner to tie the knot with would get slimmer and slimmer each passing year. And that “single blessedness” would turn to “single wretchedness.” The analysis is simple. By the time I would be 35, most of my male counterparts were either married with 2 children or unmarried yet fathered 2 children. Or worse, they might have been married twice and just skimming the market to snag the third hopeless romantic fool! So what choices do I have now? Marry somebody old enough to be my father or find myself the likes of Ashton Kutcher (the last option could work if I would be as voluptuous as Demi!)
As much as I am enjoying single life, I don’t want to remain this way forever. Like my friends, I’m ready and willing to leap a fence this year too. Not because the society pressures me. Not because of the need to propagate my infallible genes (hahaha). But because I want to know what legacy will I bequeath my future generations. When I’m old and gray-haired, I want to look back and reflect on how full my life is.
Long Ago, there was a bird to sang just once in its life.
From the moment it left its nest, it searched for a thorn tree.
and it never rested until it found one.
Then it began to sing more sweetly
than any other creature on the face of the earth.
And singing, it impaled its breast on the longest, sharpest thorn.
But as it was dying, it rose above its own agony
to out-sing the lark and the nightingale.
The thornbird pays its life for that one song
and the whole world stills to listen
and God, in His heaven~smiles.
As its best was bought only at the cost of great pain.
Driven to the thorn, with no knowledge of the dying to come.
But when we press the thorn to our breast,
We know……..
We understand…..
And still……we do it.
—Colleen McColough
falling in or out? its just one of the so many questions bugging my bean-sized brain these past few weeks…like the way things are easy come and easy go, love is no different. falling in or out of something we felt real at one point in our lives and then years past we realized it has to at least begin or sadly end. asking why and how in happenstance called love, is the same as popping questions in the vast cosmic void, yet we still can’t help it. we even ask the same question over and over again even if we knew from the start that there could and would be no answers suited to our liking. and even if there is, sometimes our visions are being blurred by our desire to be bubble protected from pain and we tend to faithfully believe that there are no answers than to accept the poignant reality.
why do we allow ourselves to be hurt so bad? from the beginning of any interaction with people, sometimes we have this instinct that things won’t work but we inclined to be optimistic; believing that we don’t hold the future. we are trying to challenge our luck and risk everything for a bit of happiness or at least a mere illusion of such. in the end, in as much as we want to held our hands for victorious claims, its sad to see ourselves in the state of failure…so desperately groping for answer to the question "why does it hurt so bad?"
Falling in love is an emotion hovering above the clouds…we can see the larger picture of the future. everyday is like a glimpse of heaven on earth. but if its unrequited love, then its a sacrifice we must learn to give without expecting any recompense, not even a hopeful thought. a real lifetime burden, indeed, that we have to swallow like a bitterpill. how good is it to love, if its unrequited? we shed tears when we are happy with that person knowing that he or she could never be ours…we cried a river when we are in pain out of loving the "almost right person" at the wrong time and space.
But…how sad could we get when we woke up one morning and realized we fell out of love? exhausting yet exhilarating to some…unphatomable to others. it’s the reality we want to get out of as fast as we could because the pain would literally torment our significant others. however, if the feeling is gone, nothing is left but the idea that we want our lives back to the way it was before we met the person. sadly, things won’t be the same again. the fact is, we will still lose that somebody who helped us become who we are…that significant fragment of our social crowd….
in every great story there is a beginning and an ending, but we have to be thankful that it has begun anyway, because only then we will realize how weak we could be to succumb to such emotion and be strong enough to learn to let go in the end.
Can’t say much about who i am but here’s what the Keirsey Temperament Sorter has to say:
“Being an idealist, she is passionately concerned with personal growth and development. She strives to discover who she is and how she can become her best possible self–always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives her imagination. And she wants to help others make the journey. She is naturally drawn to working with people, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill other people’s potentials. She believes in giving of herself to help others; she cherishes a few warm, sensitive friendships; and in marriage she wishes to find someone with whom she can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing her deepest feelings and her complex inner world.”
so what do you think? post your comments/recommendations/violent reactions…whatever you have in mind…..
